Marriage Life Vest: How to Save a Dying Marital Relationship
When topics about marriage are on the line, idealistic and entirely positive comments begin to flood in. People have varied outlooks and views toward marriage. Some view it as a paradise-like avenue, while others look at it as a mere escape from solitude and poverty. However, marriage is not “all-heavens” and not all legally-united couples are happy. Undeniably and inevitably, problems of different sorts do happen in the course of marital life.
Of course, being married is such an excellently wonderful thing as you get to share your life with the person you treasure so much; however, there is no such thing as “perfect marriage”.
This is purposefully stated neither to scare you nor discourage you; this is said to allow the light of actuality shine in your mind. Let us just be real: fantasy is felt on the wedding day per se-- the rest of your marriage life is a universe of reality in itself! This being said, couples must store up tons of marriage life savers in order to save their vows and promises until eternity even if their relationship boat is almost sinking. Without so much delay, here are the 7 marital life savers that would help up problematic couples in making their dying marriage alive and kicking.
You might have heard of couples saying, “there’s nothing good left in our marriage”.
This is actually false. Everything may seem so hopeless and tiring, but nothing beats the power of faith. Marital problems may send you at rock-bottom or may seem like a tough battlefield; however, if you prefer to bow down and humbly pray together, nothing seems too difficult to handle.
Whenever problems arise at the course of marriage, never trust your heart for it is deceitful and desperately sick. Rather, trust the wisdom of the Divine Providence and pray that He will align the desires of your heart according to His will. In this way, you and your partner will be able to address your tough marriage situations in faith and in love, not in anger and immaturity. Also, always remember that you ought to wholeheartedly love your partner wherever life would take you. Be still and trust the Author of love to be in the middle of your marriage life.
Tons of marital problems spring up from the communicative inadequacy and inefficiency among couples. Ideally, there must be a healthy communication within the family EVERYDAY. You might be having problems in terms of finances or other serious matters, but those should not give you reasons to stop communicating with your partner.
When you just open up and express your sentiments, both of you can arrive into powerful collaborative ideas that might eventually help you get out of the mess you’re experiencing. Note that communication is not only about speaking and expressing; it’s highly about listening and understanding. Never forget to ask for your partner’s side of the story or situation. In this way, fairness and open-mindedness are manifested within the relationship.
3. Address the root cause of the problem.
In medical science, you ought to treat the cause, not the symptoms. The same thing applies in the context of marriage; you have to deal and focus on eradicating the cause of your marital problem, not on the stemming scenarios that grew out of your unsolved fights.
For instance, when you are experiencing a hell week of fights and misunderstanding, consider asking yourself these questions: “when did this fight start?; what had caused this to continue until today?; are we not overreacting?”. After a thorough analysis of your current situation, approach your partner and initiate the emotional renovation process.
In this way, you would be able to address the root cause of the problem, and consequently, you might as well agree on neither fighting on the same thing again, nor digging senseless matters from the past.
4. Never prioritize your pride and anger.
There are uncountable marriages that have been broken by these two black wolves: pride and anger. It is normal to get angry, but to be destroyed by it is not. When your partner has sinned against you and you got too angry, do not directly give a counter-reaction for that might lead to a more negative consequence.
The words you’ve expressed could either make or break you, thus, hold your tongue. When caught in a situation where your temper is cloud-high, consider making yourself calm for a few hours, meditate, and start fixing your fight with your partner. Regardless of who had sinned between the two of you, again, initiate the so-called “emotional repair”. Do not allow pride to devour your marriage since you are standing in the name of love, not of pride.
5. Don't complicate the problem by adding more mistakes.
If you are in a bad blood situation with your partner, that should not give you the confidence to hurt each other more and add more mistakes on top of the existing one. Infuriating your partner or getting even are signs of immaturity. For instance, you might be struggling with the mood swings of your partner; however, you should NOT make that as an excuse for cheating on your relationship.
Remember this: mistakes are normal and inevitable, but when repeated and enjoyed, consider those as nothing but foolishness. You are married to build each other up, and not to tear each other down. Thus, replace your anger with love and ditch your pride with humility.
6. Agree on significant matters and build marital principles.
After fixing your marital turmoils and troubles, it is just proper to agree on significant relationship matters and build family principles. Once solved, those problems you had in the past must never be tackled at present---otherwise, you will just create great flames out of a drenched fire. You may agree on forgetting the past and focusing instead on your present scenarios to build a brighter and smarter future.
Also, you ought to build strong marital principles such as: “we will no longer pick up immature fights within the relationship; we will be focusing on rearing our children to be godly and responsible; we shouldn’t give in to temptations as we are to love each other as husband and wife”. This way, you will be guided on the “to do’s” and “not to do’s” in the relationship, thus leading to a more organized and peaceful marriage life.
7. Live up to your promises and agreed principles.
Promises and principles are not just mere words---they are actions by themselves. Thus, those agreed principles must be realized through sincere manifestations. Even if your relationship has gone through serious and nerve-racking challenges, it is NEVER too late to start again and fuel back the love that you’ve kindled on the day you first met.
You may consider spending a family vacation on a serene and emotionally-soothing island, or you may surprise your partner with simple yet unique things. Marriage is not always about how you’ve started; it’s significantly about how you’ve managed to conquer your marital problems and make them as stepping stones toward a happier marriage life.
Those are the 7 marriage life savers that are specially written to aid problematic couples in dealing with their various marital circumstances. If you are one of them and you still feel uneasy, go back and carefully read tip #1. If you are still single, please DON’T be afraid of the revelations here. Though it comes with a price (not money but efforts and patience), being married to the one you love is one of the most gracious things that could ever transpire in your life. Hence, do not be anxious and keep the faith and love burning!